If I Did Not Know Him!!
If I did not know Him where would I be? I’m sure we all have heard this spiritual hymn at one time or another in our lives. So when someone says that what does that really mean? Well let me tell you about my experience and my truths of if I did not know Him!
One late Saturday evening in 2011 I sat in this chair next my grandfathers hospital bed. He was on a ventilator with a trach short for tracheostomy I suppose. I’m no doctor just my own educated one. But my grandfather was alert and coherent asking for root beer soda pop! He had already been in the hospital for almost a month on “life support”. He was a true fighter and this was my entire life. This here situation showed me how strong he really was. The true definition of a Man of God and a King on earth. On January 5, 2011 my grandfather was rushed to the hospital because of his breathing. He was a lung cancer survivor for 16 years prior to, but this time is came back with a vengeance and more powerful than before. It was also on the opposite side from the last time. If I didn’t know Him!!
Well to give you a little background in 1995 my grandfather found out he had lung cancer on his right side this size of a walnut. Something not to big. They went in performed surgery and removed the lower lobe of his right lung. I’m going to give you some of my doctor knowledge I gained during this time. Well we have 3 lobes on the right side and 2 lobes on the left. So they basically made his right lung the same size as the left if not smaller. If I did not know him! But he bounced back like he never left. So he retired from AT&T in 1996 after his cancer scare. That was just the end of that chapter and a start of a new chapter. He worked at many different jobs from delivery driver to school bus driver. In 2000 my grandfather came to me and told me he was going to graduate with me. It was my senior year also. That’s right class of 2000 me and my grandfather both walked the stage. I was in May and he was in December. If I did not know Him! I was blind and didn’t realize that God was working through him in so many ways. He was a walking and talking daily testimony. So he went on to get a job as a 7th grade Math teacher. It was really straining on his health and he had to get a pacemaker in 2005 as well as starting blood pressure medicine. So after working there for just a year he later left and sat on the front porch to enjoy his retirement. He and my grandmother enjoyed life. Going to the boat, eating out daily, thrifting just living with few worries. So let’s fast forward to 2011 to the start of my understanding of what it means to say If I Didn’t Know Him!!
So I’m sitting aside my grandfathers bed and we’re watching TV enjoying each other. I’m doing my shift and I have my daughter with me as well. I was assigned the last shift to sit with him until he fell asleep. My other family members did it early. Yes have to make sure the nurses and doctors are not mean. As we are sitting at St. Joseph Hospital he is looking at this cross hanging on the wall at the foot of the bed. He was staring at the cross but also pointing out the window. I catch so I ask him what at you pointing at? He shakes his head as to say nothing. So he says to me “I’m ready to go home you ready! Get my clothes. Let’s GO!” So I say grandpa we can’t go home if I take you I’m gonna go to jail! He looks at me like JAIL!! Child please! So he says again I’m ready to go home you ready? I’m not knowing that he was ready to go home and be with the Lord! His mansion was complete. So I’m thinking he is tripping or something but he seen his angels come through the window and that’s what he was pointing at. I start to hear what they call the “death rattle” and that scared me so. I didn’t want my grandfather to die. I didn’t want him to leave. So again I’m thinking he is tripping when asking me to go home so I tell the nurse to give him some medicine and clear his airways. But it’s nothing in his airways nothing so I say stop it’s ok. He was going through to much pain for me. So I step out come back in he was high as a kite and said ok you can go home. At that moment I knew I was losing my grandfather. I was speaking with someone and they had informed me that my grandfather was holding on for my grandmother. Until he was sure she was going to be ok he fought he fight day in and day out. So as we’re leaving i call my grandmother and say “Grandma you have to tell grandpa that you’re going to be ok. He has to know this so in the morning you have to.” She agrees even if she didn’t want to. They always thought I was the nurse in charge. So the next morning she tells him that and sure enough his organs start shutting down. If I didn’t know him!! I go to church and come in and ask him to forgive me and that I forgive him and everything he has taught me I will be a better woman and asked if he heard me. Guess what he lifted his head up and nodded yes. The room stopped and was so surprised. We serve a God that can do miracles. So we are now prepping for his final days here on earth. They go in and turn his pacemaker down to 40 beats per min just so that when everything shuts down completely his heart will too.
So for two night I stayed at the hospital missing work because every night was supposed to be the last one. But God has the final say. I promise you if I didn’t know Him before I know him now!!! So Tuesday night January 31, 2011 I go home telling them to call me if anything changes. Well I get a call at 3 maybe 4 in the morning saying I need to get up there now because this is it. I rush up the and boom he is off the ventilator and breathing like he is really gasping for his last breath. His eyes are stuck and he is gazing staring at me as I walk in the room. He was still gasping for air and had been doing this for over an hour. I come in kiss him and tell him I love him and that he was the best definition of a man I have ever and will ever know. I step out to collect my thoughts and understand what is about to happen. I come back in and just like that he is gone! My Grandpa is not ever coming back! If I did not know him? It’s a blizzard that is now starting to take place in the city, but my grandpa is gone.
We tend to think of God as someone or a spirit that is to snap and make things better than what they were before. What if when things look bad they are still for greater of your good. The God we think we may not know carried us through. To look back on where you were and where you are, what and who you could be. To know this you are NOT who the enemy wanted you to be.
If I didn’t know home I wouldn’t understand what my grandfather was saying in his final days. “I ready! You ready? I’m ready! You ready to go home?” He was ready to go be with the Lord he had grew to love and someone he knew. The Lord carried him throughout all his journey here on earth. Placed him in people lives to share his testimony. He received him in His arms and opened up the heavenly gates. My grandfather was greeted and was told my faithful servant job well done.
If I didn’t know him I wouldn’t understand that I have to always be ready for the great Lords plan for me.
Are you ready? Get to know him.
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