Here I am LYING in the MIDDLE of the FLOOR. SOMETHING tells ME it WOULD be a GOOD idea for ME to LIE still until he LEAVES. EVERYTIME this HAPPENS he LEAVES for DAYS sometimes even WEEKS. I FEEL like I am LYING in a PUDDLE of WATER. My BODY feels so COLD and I FEEL so WEAK. With my EYES closed I HEAR the FRONT door SLAM but I will WAIT a COUPLE more MINUTES to MAKE sure it is SAFE for me to GET up. I would HATE to GET up THINKING he WAS gone and BECAUSE he FORGOT something he CAME back. That would ONLY make things WORSE and only GOD knows what COULD happen.
As I LIE still with my eyes CLOSED I think of how THINGS “used” to BE. . .
I remember when we FIRST met, EVERYTHING was PERFECT. I LOVED him and he LOVED me. My FRIENDS told ME about HIM, but I TOLD them –THEY didn’t KNOW him like I DID. I even THOUGHT some of THEM were JUST jealous because he WAS with ME not THEM.
I ALSO thought ABOUT when WE first MOVED in TOGETHER. About a MONTH after we SETTLED in, I WAS home ALONE one FRIDAY night. I WONDERED where he COULD possibly be. It WASN’T like HIM to come HOME late BUT I knew he would be HOME soon. As HOURS passed, I began to have a BAD feeling, maybe something HAPPEN to HIM. I remember FALLING asleep on the COUCH that night. It was ALMOST 3 in the MORNING when he WALKED in. I RAN to GIVE him a HUG. I told HIM I was glad that he WAS ok. I could SMELL the LIQUOR on his BREATH when he YELLED –GET AWAY FROM ME!!! I didn’t CARE where he had been or what TIME it was, I was JUST happy that he MADE it HOME safe. I TOLD him -I WAS worried about HIM. [ [ from that MOMENT on nothing HAD ever been the SAME ] ] He SLAPPED me and TOLD me –to WORRY about MYSELF and that it was NONE of my BUSINESS of where he WAS. I COULDN’T believe he SLAPPED me!! I THOUGHT how COULD he HIT me for NO REASON?? I didn’t EVEN do ANYTHING!!
It’s BEEN 5 years NOW and A LOT has HAPPENED. I HAVE been pushed, SLAPPED, punched, KICKED, choked, RAPED, and STABBED. There WAS so MUCH evidence that I HAD been ABUSED over the LAST 5 years I JUST never WANTED to ADMIT it. I HAVE had BRUISES, black EYES, scares, and EVEN a BROKEN HEART. A BROKEN HEART because I NEVER understood how SOMEONE I LOVED could HURT me LIKE he DID. He MADE me FEEL so UGLY!! He ALWAYS needed TIME to CALM down after he WOULD hurt me, and he ALWAYS came back to SAY he WAS sorry. HE said – he DIDN’T know what he was THINKING?? He WOULD then give me a HUG and would ask me to FORGIVE him. It NEVER failed he then CRIED promising IT would NEVER happen AGAIN. I DON’T know WHY I BELIEVED him but I did. I HOPED that MAYBE one DAY he WOULD change. I ALWAYS wanted to TELL someone but at the SAME time I didn’t WANT to GET involved with the POLICE. I THOUGHT maybe IT was MY FAULT of why I WAS getting ABUSED. I CONVINCED myself I WASN’T getting ABUSED I was getting PUNISHED.
I think to MYSELF– but WHAT did I DO this TIME? All I REMEMBER was TELLING him I COULDN’T do THIS anymore!! I was TIRED of always GETTING abused and that I DIDN’T deserve to be TREATED that WAY!! I EXPLAINED to HIM why I NEVER reported HIM. I TOLD him it was BECAUSE I loved HIM and that I didn’t WANT him to GO to JAIL and without HIM I would BE lonely!! He then TOLD me – I COULDN’T leave HIM!! I was ALL he HAD. I TOLD him –I was sorry BUT it was TIME for me to GO. As I picked up my BAG ready to LEAVE I HEARD him say – take ANOTHER step and SEE what will HAPPEN!!!! I remember TELLING myself -NOW is the ONLY chance –KEEP WALKING and DON’T ever LOOK back!! Just then I HEARD a LOUD sound, seconds LATER I felt a SHARP pain in my CHEST, a PAIN I had never FELT before.
It’s been ABOUT ten MINUTES since I HEARD the FRONT door SLAM, but it seemed LIKE FOREVER. I was MORE than sure HE was GONE and that it was SAFE to GET up, but I didn’t HAVE the STRENGTH to, all I HAD was just ENOUGH strength to LIFT my HEAD and LOOK around. I FOUND myself LYING in a PUDDLE of BLOOD (my BLOOD) I FELT my BODY getting COLD and WEAK.
The POLICE were CALLED to the SCENE after a GUN shot was REPORTED coming from my HOUSE. When the PARAMEDICS arrived they TRIED to KEEP me alive for AS LONG as they COULD but it WAS already too LATE. I was DYING slowly. The LAST thing I REMEMBER was one of the PARAMEDICS telling me I was so YOUNG and BEAUTIFUL. HE LOOKED so sad, his WORDS were FADING away but I heard the words -I don’t know YOU but I don’t UNDERSTAND who would EVEN think of HURTING someone LIKE you. He SAID -he WOULD do EVERYTHING he COULD to KEEP me from DYING but there was no PROMISES. I close my EYES, took my LAST breath and thought to MYSELF -He REALLY hurt me THIS time.
1 Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
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