Life of Abuse is not what my God had designed me for. By settling and not fulfilling my life’s dreams, I ended up in a very unhealthy, controlled relationship. I remembered day dreaming when I was growing up as to how I saw myself married to the man of my dreams and living a happy loving life as a wife and mother. Yes, I was happy for a couple of years, however life happened and he became angry and bitter about things and I was the person that he saw that he could take that anger out on. Then life of abuse started, I ended up becoming abused mentally (verbal) and physically.
I never saw the abuse coming, but GOD. I didn’t understand why he would do this or how could he love me if he always beating on me. It took me years to realize that it was not me. As that was a problem deep within him that would have him to beat me, the woman he said he loved, and the mother of his children. He was very controlling; I couldn’t go anywhere without him and very little with him. My life was what he wanted it to be, and I was no longer Clara. I was his wife, and what he said I did, otherwise there were consequences. I prayed as I knew this is not the life God had ordained for me, so I prayed to God to help me to come out of this relationship.
We were together for twenty years. After ten years, I was like okay Clara you have to make a move. It took me ten years to get the nerve to come out of it completed. Yet due to my leaving my parents and going to him, I didn’t fully know if I could do it on my own, especially since I had children. There was more than me I had to think about, which is why I stayed so long. Going back home to my parents was not an option for me. I could have, but I didn’t want to as I saw that as truly being a failure. I didn’t want to disappoint my parent I was ashamed that this was happening to me. After a while I realized that it was not my fault that I was being abused however I had to forgive myself for allowing it to happen then I had to forgive him so I can start the process of removing myself and my children from this crazy life.
As my faith in God began to grow even stronger, I finally realized I can do it as long as I seek Him, and He will give me the courage to face all trials and tribulations that may come my way. So in 2001, I said no more to being abused, no more to being controlled, and no more to being used for what he wanted. I do have dreams, I do have wants, I do have needs of my own, and I am ready to obtain them.
Who should live like that, NOBODY? I set a timeline of what I needed to do and how it needed to be done, so that I would be okay and my children as well. Yet when going through a divorce, nothing is never smooth sailing. But, it didn’t matter to me as my Father gave me the courage to make this happen. I had to find my voice. I had to say no more to being in bondage and no more to living a life of being afraid in my own home. He showed me scriptures to read, to walk in and to minister to women.
The first one was Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
I knew that the way my life has been which was a victim of domestic violence I could be transformed if I decide to stop allowing what was being done to me. I knew I could obtain the transformation I needed by choosing to be transformed from the old ways and becoming that new, by seeking God’s words and living it, and by believing God will transform me back to the Clara he had designed me to be. What I did next was I prayed as it is stated in Matthew 7:7, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Lastly, by writing down the vision and following it.
This means that as my transformation was being done, a metamorphosis was going to occur. Let me explain; let’s look at the caterpillar and how it becomes a butterfly. The caterpillar is in its shell, and as it is working its way out of that shell, it becomes a cocoon and then a butterfly. The stages of the butterfly start with it being an egg, a caterpillar, a cocoon, and then the butterfly. As a human, your stages may be of being in that shell of control, deciding on becoming you, moving into you, and then being you.
Let me give you a real life scenario. As you enter a relationship and you commit yourself wholeheartedly to that relationship that becomes a controlling relationship. Yet, after you come to your senses, you realize this is not how it supposes to be, so you take it upon yourself to take back your life. The butterfly is what God showed me and that process of coming from a caterpillar to a butterfly is what I had to go through. I must tell you it was worth it as I am free to be me now according to God.
The scripture that I hold near to me is 2 Corinthians 3:17 states “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom,” so go after your freedom. I went after my freedom and I received it and I never felt so alive and felt like I am somebody.
I made a commitment to myself to start loving and learning me. I look in the mirror and tell myself daily, “Girl, I just love me some you.” This helped me as I went through my transformation. It made my life better, and those around me as well. God told me that I had to go through the wilderness in order to see the greatness he had for me. I have my voice, and I have my wings now so I am soaring like I never thought I would or could. The world is mind as I do the work of my Father.
What am I doing now? I’m living life to the fullest, loving like I never loved before, and I am laughing as if it is my last breath and enjoying being the woman my Father wants me to be. I am thankful to him that I do not look like what I been through because I should have been dead, but GOD had a purpose and a plan that I had to fulfill.
Did you meet Pastor Clara L. Peters?
Clara L Peters is a pastor, mother of 3, grandmother of 5, radio talk show host, motivational speaker, mentor, certified life coach, blogger, and author. She is a woman of integrity.
Founder of Women of Divine Distinction Ministry
You can find me on Facebook Clara L. Peters – Life Coach
Founder of Divine Diva Book Club
Host at Women of Divine Distinction Blog Talk Radio Show
the call in number each Monday night at 8PM CST to the Radio Show is (718) 508-9987
Blog at Women of Divine Distinction
For speaking engagement you can connect with me via Facebook