It’s been 3 months since my last installment. Whew! I need to really get my time better organized. I’m doing stuff I love to do but I have to figure out how to do it ALL properly. 🙂
As you know, I speak my mind on different topics and today’s entry is in reference to my view of our Kings, our men, our providers. I meant to start this a few weeks earlier after I had an inbox Facebox altercation but have been delayed due to other things in life. I’m sure you’re curious about the above-mentioned altercation and I will tell you in just a moment.
What I have noticed is that our men have moved from the position of provider to being provided for. It seems like they are more comfortable with laying up while the woman takes care of them. I’m not saying this scenario is brand new but it seems that our younger generation of men are okay with it. I’d really love to know why..my first answer is more and more single mom homes with NO male support.
The moms, in this scenario, dote on their sons to the point of smothering causing them to be a “mama’s boy” with no provision training. Yes I said provision training. They are raised to look for a woman to continue to take care of them. It’s rather sad to see this trend especially after being raised by the male generation that took pride in making sure the family was taken care of. Of course, this does not describe ALL men but enough of them to make it very, very noticeable.
The facebook interaction that lead me to this thought pattern is as follows:
I don’t proclaim and profess my dating life all over social media and I try to keep an even keeled momentum when conversing with members of the opposite sex on social media. Dealing with marketing/PR events within the arts (music, dance, etc) I deal/connect with men a lot of the time. I’m sure a lot of women have experienced the inbox message from a new male friend request scenario where you have to let him know you’re not interested and not single. One day I had an incredible experience with a guy that had already approached me with the “hey are you single?” vibe more than once, which I answered “no” each time, that really took it over the top. It was his attitude that made me start thinking about our younger generation of african american men and how they view their position in society. The scenario (abridged version) went as follows:
Strange FB Guy: Hi. You don’t know me but I met a woman here in Atlanta who I’d known for a few months and I thought I wanted to marry her. She talked me into moving back with her to Texas where I would be living with her, her mother and her teenage son. We had plans to open up a food truck business. Her mother doesn’t like me and they constantly fight about so I had to leave the house and now I’m homeless with no ID because I left my drivers license in GA. Again, I don’t know you but I wanted to know if you could send me something to help out, I wouldn’t think of asking but the whole ticket is $100+.
Strange FB Guy: See that’s what’s wrong with society now, people don’t want to help each other. This is why we’ll never come up as a people.
And then as I was in the process of disconnecting from his page, I noticed he’d proceeded to adding cryptic status updates about people not helping out those that could be an important influence on society. Again, all I could do was look and laugh.
It seems that a lot of our men seem to be more inclined to being provided for versus being providers. I see a man as two things, 1. protector 2. provider. They are our kings, our heads of the households (in my eyes). But I’m noticing more of a trend of men who seem to be okay with asking a woman for a hand out. I was raised around and by the male generation that figured out how to provide for his family and wouldn’t dare think about asking for a hand out. This inbox guy literally showed me with his story that he had no plan for provision, had no problem asking a strange woman for money and then had the gall to hit me with a “our people will never come up” line when I didn’t agree.
And to that I ask, My Kings…What Happened to You? What happened to the men that know what it means to make something out of nothing? What happened to the providers? Why are they becoming a minority?
Another scenario that saddens me is that more and more of our Kings are subconsciously leading the Queens to be less than ladies. They don’t seem to attempt to court or date, immediately plans for jumping in the sack are in the air. Molding a relationship is no longer a priority. I saw a quote floating around the internet that basically said “People meet, jump into bed and create situations.” and it seems to be accurate. Again, this does not pertain to EVERYone, it’s not a general statement but the men that prefer to get to know a lady definitely seem to be in the minority these days. Instead of making us proud to be a lady, we get called “bitches”, “whores”, “thots” and the big new craze seems to be becoming a single mother. At one time in society, an unwed mother was not looked upon as a good thing. Men looked down on men who left a pregnant woman alone to raise his child. These days, it seems our men eagerly look forward to planting a seed and leaving and the women have slowly morphed into the mindset of ONLY wanting to be a single mother instead of a wife. And then they seem to be content with themselves with being able to say how strong or independent they are and how much a man isn’t needed. We are created by two parents for a reason, as individuals we are formed by the lessons of the father AND the mother. This is slowly turning into a very vicious cycle and we have got to do something to reverse it. My kings we are counting on you to lead the way.
As you know I ALWAYS end my blog on a positive note. So here goes….. for every man that walks over me to get to a seat on the bus or train there is a man that gives up his seat and/or allows the women step on the bus or train ahead of him. I see you my kings, I see young men showing that they are being trained by kings. For every mother that talks down about men in front of their children and/or keeps the father from seeing his kids for no other reason than just being evil, there is a mother that does her darndest to make sure the child is NEVER separated from his/her father. I see you my queens, yes ma’am, I see you and thank you.
It’s not totally hopeless but it’s looking kind of bleak. My kings, we need you. You are definitely our leaders…believe it or not women follow your lead. Quiet as it’s kept, the entire world follows your lead. You have no idea how much power you truly have, if you were to use it for good the world would be so much better. Don’t let the negative media rule the way our daughters and sons live, let them see what it means to be an upright man. Let our daughters see what good man looks like so they’ll know when it’s wrong.
Puttin my own spin on a long term cliche, it takes a village to raise a generation. It takes a village of people that are willing to put up with naysayers, to put up with the ones that don’t want to do better and for some off reason, want the rest of us to sit back and let it all go to hell in a hand basket. It takes a village of Kings and Queens to keep pushing us to the top of our game! My Kings we are watching and take our cues from you, make us proud!
As luck would have it we recently featured a story about Nissa from Examiner.com. Please take a moment to read what was written about Nissa by clicking here! We are honored to have Nissa as one of our guest bloggers.