Guest Post|Why watching children grow up is so hard

Eighteen years ago I had my son and I never thought that from the day I put him in Pre Kindergarten I had already lost him. He was a seven pound baby boy that brought me so much joy. I changed his cloth diapers and used Dreft to wash his cute baby clothes. I used nothing but the best for my son.
I remember the first time that he said “mama” instead of daddy.I remember when he took his first steps. I remember when he first learned to drive.Now he’s preparing to walk across stage to graduate from a school system that I registered him into assuming that he would remain the same age forever.Im crushed that no one educated me on losing a son at birth! At least I would have been somewhat prepared for this moment as a parent.

How do other mothers get over the pain and agony of losing a son? Is there a support group for these tragedies?
What next with him? Marriage then kids?

I still have his first tooth he lost because I was not only his mother I was his tooth fairy.I still have all of his drawings from elementary school. Is it too late to put his drawing back on the fridge for old times sake? What do I do with his first sailor suit that I’ve kept for 18 years?

My son thought my kisses were his band-aids. I don’t think I’m ready for the decisions my son makes as an adult.I know he no longer needs me, but  its official I will never get over losing a son! 

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